Decolonizing Polyamory: Unlearning Hierarchical Thinking


We will cover:

  • A brief history of colonization and hierarchical thinking
  • Compulsory Monogamy Culture and Couple Privilege
  • Hierarchical polyamory
  • Compulsory monogamy hang-ups
  • Relationship Escalator
  • Codependency
  • Sneakyarchy
  • Egalitarian polyamory and Relationship Anarchy

You will learn:

  • What hierarchical thinking is
  • How hierarchical thinking is a product of colonization
  • How hierarchical thinking manifests interpersonally
  • How to create security without hierarchy
  • How to truly practice egalitarian polyamory
  • How to spot hidden hierarchies
  • How to be a relationship anarchist

About the Workshop:

One of the most difficult monogamy hang-ups to overcome in polyamory is letting go of the security of hierarchy. In this workshop, you’ll learn about where hierarchical thinking originates, how it affects our interpersonal relationships, and how to move away from it.

- What does it actually mean to practice egalitarian polyamory?

- How can we ensure equity when we have different relationships with varying levels of enmeshment, responsibilities, and newness?

- How can we identify sneakyarchy and confront it?

- How can we decenter romance and ensure our relationships are valued outside of polyamory?

In this live webinar, Millie and Nick of Decolonizing Love will address these questions and more, focusing on the important conversation about hierarchy. This event will blend information sharing, Q&A, and discussion, so please bring all your questions!

NOTAFLOF: You can access discounted tickets through our NOTAFLOF program. Get a free Plura+ membership at and unlock $12 tickets.

Note: This class will be recorded and available for 30 days after the event for all ticket holders.


Millie Boella and Nick are a polyamorous couple based in Toronto, Canada, each bringing a diverse background and extensive expertise to their work in the field of polyamory. Millie, of mixed Kenyan heritage and a professional writer, founded the Toronto Non-Monogamous BIPOC group (TNB) in 2017, and has over twenty years of activism experience. Nick, originally from Montreal, transitioned into polyamory after meeting Millie in 2010 and later trained as a relationship coach. Together, they launched Decolonizing Love in 2021, a social enterprise that integrates polyamory with decolonization, addressing issues like toxic masculinity and desirability politics. Their innovative approach has garnered significant attention, with over 100 million views and featured in major publications, making significant strides in making polyamory more accessible and inclusive.


  • General Admission