ENM Study Club: Resisting Hierarchy

Are you looking to learn new skills to help you build better non-monogamous relationships? Do you want to get new ideas and perspectives from other ENM folks on the challenges you are facing? Are you excited to nerd out about relationships? Join us!

Let’s learn together via a monthly, group-driven discussion. Each month we’ll look up resources pertaining to an ENM topic: readings, podcasts, even Reddit threads, and unpack what we’ve found. At the end we will take suggestions for next month's topic. Think of a cross between a book club and a support group; we’ll seek out new tools and techniques relevant to the attendees’ challenges.

After each meeting, everyone is invited to stay for free-form social time.

We meet at 7 PM on the first Tuesday of each month. If you can't make the in-person event, you can attend remotely. Everyone is welcome, regardless of familiarity with non-monogamy. A $10 donation is suggested, but NOTAFLOF.

Topic (May 2026)

Hierarchical relationships have a bad reputation. Is it truly possible to achieve non-hierarchical freedom? What is "sneakyarchy," and how do we avoid it? What parts of hierarchy are unavoidable?

Resources

Make suggestions in the event chat, and I’ll edit them into this list!

• "More Than Two" 2e, Rickert and Zanin, Ch 11 - Hierarchy and Primary/Secondary Polyamory, Ch 12 - Veto Arrangements (thanks, Victoria!)
• "Radical Relating," Cassidy, Ch 2 - Exploring Non-Monogamy, White Supremacy Culture in Non-Monogamy, Ch 3 - Post-Monogamy (thanks, Victoria!)
• "Can someone explain hierarchical relationships?" Reddit thread (thanks, Bunny!)
• "Priorities and Hierarchy," Laura Boyle, Ready for Polyamory (thanks, Bunny!)
• Bunny added two suggestions specific to coercion; they're not specific to non-monogamy and not pervasive among hierarchical agreements. An article on economic coercion. An article about coercive control.
• "Playing with Fire," ep 205, "Hierarchy or Priority" (thanks, Victoria!)
• "I Could Never...," "More Like Bye-archy!" (thanks, Victoria!)
• "Multiamory," ep 188, "What Hierarchy Means to Me" (thanks, Janis!)
• "Love in a Fucked Up World," Spade, (thanks, Victoria!)
• "Modern Anarchy," ep 130, "Relationship Anarchy vs Libertarianism: Beyond the Status Quo" (thanks, Victoria!)
• "Playing with Fire," ep 224, "Relationship Anarchy" (thanks, Victoria!)

Getting There

Please do not park in the lot associated with the venue. There is street parking nearby.

The venue is about a 20 minute walk from Rockridge BART, the closest transit hub.

Food and Drink

EBCS doesn't serve anything at the time of the event. You may bring anything you feel like, but, please clean up after yourself. No alcohol is permitted on site.

There are local restaurant options just south on Telegraph.

Feedback

We’d love to hear from you! You can reach out via the following:

• Our feedback form
• enmstudyclub@gmail.com
• In person at the event or a happy hour

Safety and Privacy

These events are intended to encourage safe, honest, and vulnerable conversation between strangers. Keep identifying info or personal stories within the group. Participants are encouraged to exercise best judgment and speak up for best standards around homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, xenophobia, racism, and all manner of otherings.

Recording and transcription devices are not allowed, in order to protect the privacy of attendees. We do not record the Zoom stream. AI devices are prohibited; please make all best efforts to disable any such devices before the meeting begins.

This is not a place to cruise for hookups. No jerks.