HMU Academy: Kinky Dating Playbook for Men

Strategies, mindset, and tips to help men and masculine folks navigate the modern kinky and poly dating scene.

About the Class

In this class for men and masculine-identifying folks, Hawthorne shares hard-won knowledge about how to succeed in the complex and constantly shifting landscape of modern kinky and poly dating. While we will focus on some broad over-arching themes, most of the class will be nuts-and-bolts look at how to approach dating and attract the type of people that you want to date.

This class is open to all identities and backgrounds, but because dating dynamics are so different across our many sub-communities, this class will focus at its core on the dynamics of masculine-identified folks looking to date femme-identified ones. While many of the tips and approaches will be broadly applicable, we will keep a relatively tight focus.

Finding good partners is hard for almost everyone, but in a wide variety of different ways. Dating as a man in 2025 is not a simple endeavor. It’s lonely, confusing, and frustrating—and the advice that exists is often vague platitudes, condescending and unhelpful, or a vehicle for deeply toxic attitudes. We can do so much better.

One of the major themes will be how to navigate both explicit and implicit consent, while presenting the best confident side of yourself—easy enough to say, but this class will provide detailed specifics.

This class will include:

- The mindset to develop and build dating success

- How to be confident without being a creep

- Basics of dating app success

- Step by step, how to handle the key moments of a successful date

- Strategies for play parties and other in-person events

- Consent-focused ways to build physical connection

- Bringing kink into the picture

- How to approach basic challenges of Ethical Non-Monogamy dating

- Q&A and Discussion time

While we will move quickly through this broad array of topics, the goal will be to provide many useful specifics that help to illustrate the steps to the vibrant dating life that you’re looking for.

About the Instructor

Hawthorne is one of the founders of Hit Me Up. With well over a decade of experience in the kink and poly community, he has taught skills and performed kink at venues all over the city like House of Yes, Caveat, The Stranger, and of course Hit Me Up. Stand further back, so the flogger doesn't wrap around.

FAQs

FAQ: what should I bring?

An open and non-judgmental attitude. We're all learning and growing together.

FAQ: who is this open to?

This class is intended for masculine-presenting or leaning folks. We are a gender-affirming space and will are happy to host anyone who thinks this class is for them and is willing to engage in good faith—but be aware that this is a safe space for men to work things out.

FAQ: what should I wear?

There's no dress code, come as you are. This is a lecture and discussion space, so no need for your party clothes.

FAQ: any skill pre-requisites? (i.e., is this for beginners, advanced, everyone?)

This class is intended for men who want to improve their dating results in a practical and ethical way. We will cover a lot of basics so if you're very experienced and skilled you may get a few tips but may already know a lot.

FAQ: can I attend solo, or do I need to come with a partner?

It's recommended to attend solo, but not required.

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✨Volunteers: Limited volunteer spots available. Please email admin@hitmeupnyc.com to express interest.

✨Location: Lower Manhattan. The space has an elevator. Please email hello@hitmeupnyc.com if you need any accessibility accommodations.

✨Full vaccination is required. While we recommend getting the booster shots, we are not verifying them at this time.

✨Consent Policy: All of our events are ASK FIRST events. The rules of respectful and consensual behavior WILL be enforced. You will be responsible for reading our consent policy and behaving appropriately. Read our consent policy in full: https://www.hitmeupnyc.com/consent

✨Membership: We reserve the right to refuse entry if needed. Hit Me Up also hosts private events which are invite only, and anyone new to Hit Me Up must apply and be approved to attend—no guests or plus ones. Please visit https://www.hitmeupnyc.com/join to join. You are welcome to inquire as to your status or that of your friends, but please do not act as if you have an entitlement to access our space or members. Building special spaces is hard, and while we are inclusive and welcoming, we reserve the right to curate our membership as needed to maintain our flourishing community. If you'd like to sponsor a new member please have them apply as soon as possible. If they wait until a few days before the event we cannot guarantee they will be able to be approved in time.

✨Please stay home if you are feeling ill or if you have had recent close contact with someone who tested Covid positive (within the past 5 days). You could be incubating and still test negative. Any requests for refunds for any reason will be honored up to the day of the party. Remember: safe, sane, and sanitary Just email hello@hitmeupnyc.com mailto:hello@hitmeupnyc.com and we will give you a full refund, no questions asked.

HMU’s public events are 18+. Our vetted & private lists are 21+ only.