Open Community Potluck & Discussion San Jose

Connect with non monogamous community in the south bay over a shared potluck meal and conversation.

Come share stories, build connections, and meet new friends in a welcoming space centered on authentic, intentional, open-hearted relationships in community.

This community values consent, honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, kindness, acceptance, and accountability.

You don’t have to be dating, or practicing any particular relationship style — if these values resonate with you, you’re invited.

OPEN COMMUNITY GUIDELINES

By attending this event, you agree to read and abide by these community guidelines.

DIVERSITY 🌈

- Expect to encounter a variety of relationship styles, orientations, gender expressions, and life experiences.

-Comfort levels around touch, storytelling, and boundaries will vary.

-What we all have in common is an interest in cultivating intentional and authentic relationships.

-You are invited to be curious—ask questions, listen, learn, and share.

HOLDING SPACE FOR EACH OTHER 🤗

-You are invited — but not required — to hold space for others and for yourself.

-Holding space means letting people speak their truth and exist as they are, without assumptions, judgment, advice, or pressure to fix anything.

-Sometimes this is the only place where someone gets to simply be.

-You are invited to listen with presence and empathy.

CONSENT ✅

-A “yes” means yes. A “no,” silence, “maybe,” or hesitation means no.

-If you hear no, respect it without needing an explanation.

-A yes now doesn’t automatically mean a yes later — ongoing consent matters and can always change.

PHYSICAL CONSENT 🤝

-You may see hugging, cuddling, or kissing—and people saying yes to some and no to others.

-Always ask before entering someone’s personal space. For example: “Would you like a hug?” or “May I sit next to you?”

-If you want, you can offer alternative connections: “I’m no to a hug, but yes to a high five or handshake.”

CONVERSATIONAL CONSENT 💬

-Some people here are open to sharing everything, while others prefer to keep explicit or personal stories private.

-Please pause to ask the people around you before sharing explicit stories (sex, kink, BDSM) without consent.

CONFIDENTIALITY 🤫

-Everything shared in this group should be treated as confidential and private.

-Do not share stories that name others without their permission.

-Do not greet people outside this group in a way that could out them.

-Do not take or share photos/videos without the clear consent of everyone who would be photographed.

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TICKETS 🎟️

An Eventbrite ticket is required to attend

If cost would keep you from attending, see the NOTAFLOF policy at the bottom of the description.

RSVP ON PLURA

Optional but recommended! REMINDER: Plura RSVP does not hold your spot — Eventbrite ticket is needed for each attendee.

LOCATION

This event is being hosted at a private residence in San Jose. Address will be shared in the confirmation email.

Do not share the address without permission from a host. Direct all address requests to Rose.

HOSTS

Rose, Donal, Joanna

ACCESSIBILITY

Some steps getting in and out. There is a second story, access is not required in order to enjoy this space.

PETS

2 dogs live at this residence. If you are allergic, please medicate accordingly.

WHEN ARE THINGS HAPPENING?

If it’s your first time attending, arriving on time for the opening circle is essential. If you’ll be late and miss the opening circle, please reschedule. Returning attendees, let a host or others know if you’ll be late.

7:00 – 8:00 PM | Socializing & Potluck Dinner

8:00 – 8:15 PM | Opening Circle (Community Agreements & Topic)

8:15 – 9:15 PM | Small Group Discussions

9:15 – 9:30 PM | Closing Circle

9:30 - 10:00 PM | Freestyle Socializing

DISCUSSION TOPIC

Defining Our Connections: Labels and Intentionally Crafted Relationships

This topic draws on concepts from Relationship Anarchy (RA)

Every connection is a relationship — from friendship to romance to something in between.

What makes something “official,” and why do some people prefer labels while others let connections evolve naturally?

Some find comfort in familiar terms like partner or boyfriend, which carry shared expectations.

Others draw inspiration from RA: labels are optional, closeness and commitment are chosen intentionally, and each relationship grows on its own terms. Over time, labels may feel meaningful, but they aren’t the starting point — and they find value in resisting the pressure to fit relationships into expected boxes.

These ideas invite us to craft relationships intentionally, guided by care, honesty, and mutual agreement, rather than simply following what society says a relationship should look like.

Whether monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between, thinking about our relationships this way can open new perspectives and possibilities.

Discussion Questions

• What draws you toward (or away from) using labels?

• Have you ever felt pressure — from yourself, a partner, or society — to define a connection before you were ready? How did that affect the relationship?

• Are there relationships in your life that don’t fit conventional labels but are still meaningful? How do you recognize and honor them?

• Do you make intentional choices about closeness, commitment, or intimacy in your relationships?

• If you could design your ideal relationship from scratch, what would it look like?

• Are there expectations in your relationships that exist by default rather than by agreement? Would you keep them if you reviewed them intentionally?

• How could RA ideas — autonomy, optional labels, explicit agreements — fit in relationships that aren’t RA, like monogamy or hierarchical poly?

• Over time, how do you decide whether to adopt labels or agreements? Is it co-created or introduced by one person first?

• What would it look like to focus on values (care, respect, honesty) rather than roles or titles?

POTLUCK FOOD

This is a dinnertime potluck—please bring food or drinks to share. Home-cooked or takeout is welcome. Gluten-free and low-sugar options are often appreciated, and wholesome, filling dishes are always a great choice.

Please write in the Plura chat what you will be bringing in the days before the event.

PARKING

Street Parking

DRINKING/SMOKING

Alcohol or cannabis are not the focus of these events. If you want to partake, bring your own, and consume responsibly and in moderation. No smoking of tobacco on the property.

DONATIONS

If you would like to support to the organizer beyond the price of a ticket, here are two additional options:

1) Purchase a donation ticket for the amount of your choosing, instead of the default paid ticket.

2) Click this link to buy me a coffee.

NOTAFLOF POLICY

(No One Turned Away For Lack Of Funds)

If the price of a ticket would keep you from attending for any reason, including "I don't feel like paying for a ticket today", use the promo code FREE at checkout for this event or future events - no questions asked.

#Nonmonogamy #Non-Monogamy #Polyamory #OpenRelationship #EthicalNonMonogamy #AlternativeLifestyle #Community #Nontraditional #RelationshipAnarchy