Play: A Bonobo Network Retreat 2023 (public)

  • Hosted by Bonobo Network
  • 135 people on the list-

Play: A Bonobo Network Retreat 2023

Recharge your batteries in a beautiful Northern California box valley with four days of frolicking friends.

About this event

Take a break. Unplug from social media. This weekend is about you. It's about us. It's about connecting – deeply – with our amazing community of people with shared values and a common sense of possibility. It's about rebuilding your personal reserves so that you can return to the world stronger, braver, better connected, and hopefully well-loved.

For this weekend, your life can be filled with unadulterated PLAY.

The Bonobo Network retreat is, without a doubt, the best way to experience our community. You'll have the time and space to go as deep or broad as you would like. Relax with us at a beautiful Northern California retreat center, where you'll be able to:

  • Camp out on their spacious grounds or choose from several indoor sleeping options.
  • Soak in the enormous hot tub, take a refreshing dip in the pool, or explore the beautiful hiking trails.
  • Expand your capacity for playful connection through workshops and experiences offered by brilliant educators like Marla Renee Stewart, Marcia Baczynski, Reid Mihalko, and others
  • Connect on the dance floor to incredible music provided by ITAI, KR3TURE, Rachel Lark, CLAVAE and more!
  • Break bread with your fellow Bonobos over delicious meals
  • Participate in the many shenanigans available, from sending a flirty note to someone's mailbox, to exploring the surrounding hillsides, to going to the sober, queer or POC meet-ups. We have a little something for everyone to plug into.

Whatever you choose, this weekend is yours to create. The Bonobo Network Retreat is back. For an eighth year, we'll co-create a profound experience of sensuality, community, friendship, learning, laughter, and play.

Will you join us? The retreat is for Bonobo Network members only. To join the fun, apply for membership at

Want to learn even more about the retreat and see the full lineup? Visit

» Music

For full lineup, visit



Rachel Lark




For full lineup, visit

The Art of Sensual Kissing with Marla Renee Stewart

Get Your Flirt On with Marcia Baczynski

Hand Sex Grad School with Reid Mihalko

Buckle Up! Pegging Basics with Allison Moon

Erotic Play+Ground with Caity Reilly

The Bonobo Way with William Winters

Queergasm Meet-Up with Olivia and Remy

Bonobos Of Color Meet-Up with Jenny O


1) Buy one Standard, PrimeMate, or Volunteer ticket per person.

2) Buy a separate accommodation, if desired. Cabins, Private Rooms, Dorm Beds, RV spots, or cars inside the grounds are all available for purchase. [These sell out fast.]

3) Tent Camping is included in the ticket price.


  • PrimeMate Ticket price: $525 (PrimeMates are a special membership level)
  • Standard Ticket Price: $625

Want a discount? Sign up for a volunteer shift!

  • Volunteer tickets go from $225-$425

This is NOT a no one turned away for lack of funds event due to the cost of putting on this event (see explanation below). However, if you need a steeper discount make a request to



  • Nourishing meals will be planned and prepared by caterer Lew Crockett of Grazing Bull Catering with help from awesome Bonobo food volunteers (maybe you).
  • We'll accommodate gluten-free, vegan, and vegetarian diets.
  • Menu forthcoming: meals will include cold start breakfast for early risers, brunch, dinner, and late night snack.

Tent Camping

  • Tent camping on the main grounds or car camping in the parking lot


Cabin Options

NOTE: Retreat ticket and room purchase are separate charges. Rooms will sell out fast! Some rooms have bunk beds. Please notify us of accessibility issues if pertinent.

  • Group Cabin, private room for 4, with bathroom: $1400 (SOLD OUT)
  • Group Cabin, private room for 3, with bathroom: $1150 (SOLD OUT)
  • Group Cabins, private room for 2, with bathroom: $700 (SOLD OUT)
  • Private Cabins, with power, no bathrooms: $650 (SOLD OUT)
  • Private Cabins, without power, no bathrooms: $600 (SOLD OUT)

Other Sleeping Accommodations

  • Dorm bed $150 (these are first come, first serve bunks. please let us know if you have accessibility issues.) (SOLD OUT)
  • RVs with electricity $400 (SOLD OUT)
  • RVs without electricity $250 (SOLD OUT)
  • Inside Grounds Car Camping $100 (SOLD OUT)


Bonobo is committed to making our events accessible to all no matter your income level. We value all our members and what they contribute.

Unfortunately, we CANNOT afford to make our retreat a No One Turned Away For Lack Of Funds event, mainly owing to the large cost and financial risk of producing this event. Discounts beyond volunteer discounts are available. You can make a request by messaging directly.

We also offer an installment payment option to make it easy to reserve a spot even if you can't buy a ticket upfront. You will see a payment plan option in the ticket list.

Also, we strongly encourage folks who need discounts to sign up for a volunteer shift and claim a volunteer discount, volunteer shifts go fast.


It takes a lot of help to support this event. About half the participants volunteer in some way.

Tickets for 4 hours of work exchange during the event:

  • Truck Load (Thursday 10am-2pm in Oakland
  • Setup (Thursday 4:00pm - 7:00pm & Friday 9-12pm; can stay the night onsite)
  • Pre-Strike & Strike (Monday 10:00pm - 2:00pm)
  • Truck Unload (Monday 5:00pm - 9:00pm in Oakland)
  • Parking Coordinator (Friday/Saturday)
  • Food shopping (Thursday in Ukiah)
  • Kitchen helper (food prep & clean-up)
  • Greeting & Covid testing
  • Cleaning Duty
  • Parking Coordinator
  • Angels - Must have previously been an Angel at Bonobo Events.

Tickets for 6 hours of work

  • Truck Driver + Load (Thursday morning)
  • Truck Driver + Unload (Monday evening - sometimes Tuesday)

Tickets for 2 days of work

  • Angel Lead (Must have experience angeling and doing angel lead roles at Bonobo events)


The retreat managers are happy to discuss any specific accessibility needs. Let us know how we can help. The property is rustic and was built before ADA requirement laws. The main grounds contain gravel and grass and are relatively flat for outdoor land.


  • Heart Lodge (main play space) has ADA compliant bathroom (no shower.)
  • Main Lodge (where meals are served) is accessible from rear of building, but no ADA-compliant bathroom.
  • The pool area has no steps, has outdoor showers, and roomy bathrooms. One poolside bathroom and shower is ADA-compliant with compliant shower.
  • All cabins have steps except Cabin 5 which has a ramp. No private cabin bathrooms are ADA-compliant.


  • Many of the least expensive beds are bunk beds. If you have access issues regarding top bunks please let us know. Otherwise, bunks are first come, first serve.


Want to invite a friend to this or future parties? Great! Start by sending them the application form:

As you consider referring someone, remember the following:

  • Your friends should FULLY understand Bonobo's culture, especially around consent, and it's your job to explicitly make sure they know what's expected.
  • They should be broadly familiar with their boundaries and be able to set boundaries with others.
  • They should be able to resolve conflicts gracefully, generously, and empathetically.
  • Ideally, you trust them implicitly, and you would either play with them yourself or recommend that your friends play with them at the party.
  • You would feel comfortable staking your reputation on their being a good fit for our community. (NOTE: This is different from feeling confident that they would enjoy themselves or get something out of the experience.)

If your friend doesn't meet these criteria, or if you haven't known them long enough to know whether they meet these criteria, please consider endorsing them a little later.


  • Cancel by 3/25: Full refund
  • Cancel by 4/8: 50% refund
  • Cancel by 4/30: 25% refund
  • Cancel after 5/6: no refund

You can find out a lot more about Bonobo Network at and the retreat at


What began as a series of small parties in Summer 2010 has grown into a community that has served 3,000 people around the Bay Area and the world. Our community is united by the following principles, which inform how we orient towards the spaces we share and how we treat one another:

High Possibility, Low Expectation: Our communities are best when they're treated as high possibility, low expectation spaces. That means two things: first, that all kinds of awesome sexy interactions are possible, but that no one should be expected to interact with you in any particular way. No one owes you anything. Second, we often attend these events with an expectation of the type or quality of experience we should have. While anything is possible, you'll probably have a much better experience if you lose those expectations of yourself and open yourself up to the abundance of connection of all kinds available to you at the party. Low expectation DOES NOT mean "low desire" – we believe it's helpful to have a well-explored and articulated sense of what you want and to hold those desires lightly.

Trust and Integrity: Parties like ours are built on trust – that's what allows us to be as open and welcoming and vulnerable as we can be inside those spaces. But this requires that we all show up in full integrity, pledging to be our most trustworthy. Three important implications of this : keep the identities of folks at our events confidential, proactively disclose relevant safer sex risks, and take exquisite care of the venues, spaces, and neighborhood ecosystems that host us.

Consent: We agree that we will only physically engage with one another, including nonsexual touch, where there is CLEAR CONSENT. We define consent as an ongoing collaboration between two or more people in constant verbal, physical, and emotional dialogue about what each other needs to safely, willingly, and pleasurably interact with one another. Gold standard consent in Bonobo Network is affirmative, informed, unpressured, specific, competently given, and ongoing. Respecting and valuing consent isn't just about preventing violations that shred trust -- it's also about making sure that everyone has as much space as they need to fully occupy their yes. Please read our Consent and Accountability Policy ( for more details on how we approach consent and accountability.

High Challenge, High Support: Play parties can be challenging and emotionally complex, even for seasoned veterans. We’re committed to making the play parties we throw high challenge, high support environments. We come together to celebrate and play at our edges. To fully support that endeavor, we provide a dedicated nonsexual space at each party for folks who need to get away from the intensity of the gathering. It means recruiting a team of angels who are available to provide counseling and social support throughout the party. And it means encouraging everyone who attends to commit to being an angel for everyone around them.

Incident Reporting If your boundaries are crossed at the party, or if someone acts in ways that are not in accordance with Bonobo's culture, please report the incident to an angel or party host. If you can't report at the party, you can file an incident report online at

Everyone Contributes: Parties like this are never the work of a single organizer -- it takes the participation and contribution of a host of people. Everyone who attends is expected to co-create the party: money, time, energy, enthusiasm, work, intention, example, concern and/or awareness.

Inclusion: We are dedicated to fostering inclusion in our community. No matter your race, ethnicity, gender identity, or class background, we want everyone who participates in this community to understand that they belong here, and that they have as much of a stake in what happens here as anyone else does. While we recognize that everyone is on a learning curve when it comes to learning how to foster such an atmosphere, we also commit to a stance of learning -- and supporting one another's learning -- of how to be excellent to one another.

This is a dynamic list, ever growing, changing, and deepening as this grand experiment in connection continues. Thanks to you all for playing mad scientist with us.