Queer Non-Monogamous Kinky Widows Grief Circle

This is a monthly grief circle for widows who are queer, non-monogamous, and kinky to grieve the death of your partner(s) and the shifts in relational dynamics with the relational constellations of your erotic and romantic connections, as well as, the shift in the way you show up to your sexual self.

Polyamourous/non-monogamous experience doesn’t always fit within traditional bereavement spaces. The additional layers of queerness, transness, kink dynamics, etc all add to the sense of isolation when attempting to access peer spaces for widows. Maybe that word is not even quite right for you, terminology is often deep in the het-norm of it all, and this space is created from a sense of needing to have something that is as queered and expansive as the relationships that we live and die in.

This grief circle centers the grief of partner death loss, whatever partner means to you. D/S dynamics, comets, spouses, fuck buddies, play partners, situations where your relationship was unknown to their family/community, sex work clients/providers, etc.

If you are queer, non-monogamous, and kinky, grieving the death of a partner, this space is for you.

1. LGBTQIA2+ Space
2. 18+
3. No prior grief circle experience is required.
4. Drop in sessions. Come when you can, as you can.
5. Participation is by choice. You will never be required to share.
6. No sharing advice unless explicitly asked for.
7. No homework/worksheets, but grief tending suggestions and resources will be sent to the group after.

Some of us may recognize or know each other from outside of or before this group. Some of us may be grieving the loss of the same partner. In order to navigate this as best we can, we ask folks to agree to the following.

1. We try to leave stories about others at the digital door.
2. We aspire to meet each other with fresh eyes, compassion and gentleness. We have all been through challenging circumstances, and we don't know anyone else's stories beyond what they share with us.
3. We acknowledge that everyone is changing over time.
4. We know that we have all probably said or done something that caused harm, whether we know about it or not.
5. We recognize a need for process, time and space in healing relational dynamics and accountability that may extend beyond the bounds of this space and agree to be responsible, as individuals, for fostering this work in the best ways we can.
6. We understand that some dynamics may not be well enough to share this sort of vulnerable space. If you have metamours, exes, etc who you would not feel able to share space with, but who may also be attempting to attend, you can check in with us as we are willing to do a small amount of schedule labour to help folks who can't share space attend on alternating months.
7. You are your own boss in how you participate in this group, let your nervous system and body needs inform how you show up. This means camera on/off, text in the chat, leave if you need, snack as you will.
8. While this isn't a strictly sober space, it is also not a happy hour, and some members of the group would prefer to not be subject to witnessing others' substance use. If you are drinking, please drink from a generic vessel (rather than a can or bottle). If you are smoking or vaping during the group, we ask that you just turn your camera off. If you are obviously impaired or intoxicated, you will be muted or asked to leave.

Other Important Details:

Monday, November 10th

5pm - 6pm PST

Zoom Room with Captions

Recommended Sliding Scale $10 - $50 per session

No One Turned Away for Lack of Funds. If you need to access this space for free, please email jess@belovedcoaching.net to receive the Zoom link at least 30 minutes before we gather.

Facilitator Biographies:

Jess DeVries is a queer somatic sex coach and grief worker. She primarily serves the queer/trans community supporting folks in reclaiming body autonomy and to inspire curiosity about pleasure and sexual expression, guiding folks to define and pursue pleasure on their own terms. She is a grief advocate who regularly facilitates spaces for people to grieve, inviting the wisdom of the body to guide the grief process.

She became a grief worker in 2020 when the grieving the death of one of her dear loves, Brooke, in non-monogamous community, while breaking up with a sweetheart who was actively grieving Brooke as well, showed her how unprepared grief spaces are for the beautiful nuance and complication of queer polyamorous grief.

Within the realms of grief, she has trained with Being Here, Human - as well as - Shauna Janz of Sacred Grief. Her grief work is held by connections to her ancestors, mugwort, hawthorne, rose, connection to her pussy, and many many tears. Within the realms of pleasure and embodiment, she has trained in Somatic Sex Education and Sexological Bodywork at the ISSSE - as well as - the Somatica Method with the Somatica Institute. Her pleasure work is held by delighting in sights, smells, and tastes, a dirty imagination, and sharing touch with human and non-human kin.

Jess provides 1:1 sessions online or by phone. She also facilitates workshops, grief circles, and rituals online for queer folks, ex-Christians, and Covid realist communities. You can find her online at www.belovedcoaching.net or on Instagram @BelovedCoaching.

Kori Doty comes to this group from the perspective of someone who has personal experience with partner loss. Their partner Coco was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in 2021 and died in 2023. Kori became domestically partnered with Coco as her full time care giver while she underwent radiation, chemotherapy, abdominal re-section surgery, surgically induced diabetes, and every type of pain management strategy up until she entered palliative care and hospice and was able to access Medical Assistance in Death. Some other big things they have practiced grieving have included complications from gender affirming surgeries, break ups, other close deaths, climate grief, trans antagonism, many layers of parent/caregiver and substance use recovery.

They have used their own self study of somatic sex education, online somatic & erotic spaces and classes and in person, hands on erotic body work with local professionals as well as in partnership with Jess to support their bereavement process.

Kori practices under the business name Soft Touch Bodies and teaches classes with their co-conspirator Jess DeVries, including Pleasure (your) Chest. They write monthly eco-somatic explorations for supporters on their patreon and occasional book, TV and movie reviews and transsexual tradwife content over on tiktok. Kori also does 1-on-1 work in masked in-person sessions in Victoria, BC and online. You can find them at koridoty.com or on Instagram or BlueSky @softtouchbodies.

Kori and Jess are non-monogamously partnered and were together through the palliative care, death, and bereavement of Kori's partner Coco.