Weekly Seeds | Mar 16, 2025 | IDK what I want

 Tech Acknowledgment: We know some members experienced issues with our bud notes system last month. This should have been fixed ~10 days ago. Let me know if it’s still not working for you.

 Ghosting Acknowledgment: I'm sorry for not sending a newsletter for ~ three weeks. My latest reading (more on this below) got me stuck in my writing flow. I think I’m back.

Enculturation

Last month, I took my 10y kid to Love Burn, Florida’s regional Burning Man event*. I would not exaggerate that seeing Burning Man culture through her eyes was transformative for me. I could see the enculturation happening in front of my eyes- concepts re-evaluated, adopted, rejected. On the flight home, she asked me to create this chart with her in an attempt to make sense of what she experienced. Sharing with her consent.

*Love Burn is no longer a regional burn. Catch up on the drama here.

Integration post enculturation

The one question my kid repeatedly asked me throughout our flight home was, “How will I explain Love Burn to my classmates?” I can relate!

Throughout my life, I’ve ached to integrate the different parts of my identity and connect with my friends and family about the most meaningful parts of me. Three years ago, I came out to my parents as non-monogamous. I felt scared about the judgment they might feel, the fears it might bring up for them, and how awkward the conversation would be (telling your parents you’re poly is also indirectly talking to them about sex).

I powered through these feelings because, more than being scared, uncomfortable, and embarrassed, I felt committed to connecting with them. Being non-monogamous has become one of my core identities and I was unwilling to keep these parts unintegrated for long.

What are the ways you wish to integrate the pieces of your identity?

Desire development is also a process of enculturation

Throughout my experience at Love Burn I noticed how my desires were impacted by the culture the surrounded me- the outfits, the art, the participation, all converged to a single average burner experience. 

In perfect timing, I just finished reading Luke Burgis’ book Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life (here’s the TLDR in podcast form). Mimetic Desire, a theory initially developed by French philosopher René Girard, focuses on how our wants are often shaped by what others desire. The theory in one sentence: I don’t know what I want, so I look around and try to decipher what I desire by noticing what others desire.

The theory in a paragraph, pulled from the book:

“After meeting our basic needs as creatures (food, shelter, security), we enter into the human universe of desire, and knowing what to want is much harder than knowing what we need… instead of internal biological signals, we have a different kind of external signal that motivate these choices- models. Models are people or things that show us what is worth wanting. It is models, not our objective analysis or central nervous system, that shape our desires.“

Yes, the market is signaling, but what the f’ do I actually want?

I enjoy geeking out with my friends about status, power, and the shadows of using social signaling in decision-making. This book took the conversation to a very deep and dark place.

Last month, I returned to LinkedIn after a year break to post some CEO insights about growing Plura. Within a week of returning to the social platform, I found myself somewhat frozen in my day-to-day job. Posting on LinkedIn meant reading LinkedIn, which made me anxious about my success, jealous of others’, and unsure about my product strategy (which felt solid until that moment). Since reading the book, I logged out of LinkedIn and am back spending my time working, reading, and writing.

Anyone else feel similarly when they log into TikTok, IG, and FB? Reading this book made me reflect on the products we’re building here at Plura. The book talks extensively about the ways social media leverages and monetizes mimetic desire. The impact on teenage girls can be seen in this terrifying chart which shows percent of U.S. high school students with high depressive symptoms, by sex (source).

How are we designing products that drive homogeny, competition, and dissatisfaction? Our team will use our upcoming offsite to build awareness to these pitfalls and envision what type of virtual social space we want to develop.

What do we do when our models tell us to hate?

According to Girard, the process of mimetic desire eventually erases the differences among people, resulting in intense rivalries and creating an existential risk for communities. Girard claims that the act of identifying a scapegoat is the process in which communities of struggling people are able to unite and express their violence in a controlled way and without recognizing the unjustified attribution of blame. Go deeper: Girard on scapegoating, Guilt, Blame, and Oppression.

It’s hard to read this theory without heartbreakingly admitting that we’re likely witnessing anti-transgender legislation used as a scapegoating mechanism in our current system. The first step to push against harmful parts of our human nature is by shinning a light at it learning how they work. Read more: DECODING LGBTQ SCAPEGOATING and Trump's anti-trans effort is an agenda cornerstone with echoes in history.

But what can we doooo?

I’ll end with two hopeful notes

#RESIST
I recently learned that Jeremy (Plura’s head of engineering) coded BLACK TRANS LIVES MATTER into the Plura code and API ~3 years ago. Jeremy says: "in the spirit of Terry Pratchett's unofficial memorial (this is a good read about it)- a law can try to legislate who people should be, but it can never change who we are under the surface. And, for me, that's reflected in the code.” Check it out below:

#HIJACK
What if we use these human tendencies to drive positive change instead of destruction? This is exactly what Brent Schulkin* is doing with Hijack Capitalism. I've been obsessed with the HC videos. They describe how we can coordinate the way we use our money to generate new kinds of financial data, enabling us to force big companies to change their behaviors and evolve how our economic system works. You can watch on IG, TikTok, etc

*Brent is one of my closest people. I'm defiantly biased when it comes to being obsessed with his work.

Note: This newsletter represents my (Noa's) personal opinions and thoughts. I understand I may have unexamined views and I appreciate when people point them out so that I am made aware and can start thinking about them. When I make mistakes I am committed to learning about my impact on others and repairing. 

Contact me anytime: noa@heyplura.com